Obsessed (*1/2)

Obsessed.  109 mins.  PG-13.  Directed by Steve Shill.  Written by David Loughery.  Starring Idris Elba, Beyonce Knowles, Ali Larter, Jerry O'Connell, and Christine Lahti.

Obsessed is so trashy and idiotic that it should have just been called "Hands Off My Man, Bitch!"  The movie is a real groaner - featuring stupid characters doing stupid things every freakin' second.  Director Steve Shill aims for B-movie ineptitude and pretty much hits the bullseye.  The plot is recycled Fatal Attraction stuff: Ali Larter plays a new temp, Lisa, who has the hots for her boss, Derek (The Wire's Idris Elba).  Oh, and she's crazy too, and her attempts to come on to him grow increasingly problematic for Derek.  None of this sits too well with Beyonce, as Derek's wife - perhaps one of the more paranoid, least understanding, obnoxious woman ever captured on film.  If Larter's character wasn't so bat-flipping insane, it'd be hard to side with Beyonce - she's pretty detestable here on her own.  And remember that whole business about Zac Efron being a movie star?  Yeah, Beyonce is not.  She's still unsuccessfully trying to recapture the magic she had in Austin Powers in Goldmember, which remains her best performance.  Needless to say, the movie culminates in one of the ultimate catfights, as Beyonce takes matters into her own hands.  Lots of hair pulling and slapping ensues.  Obsessed is a terrible movie, but it plays right into the hands of audiences who like to feel smarter than the movie they're watching.  Much like the Jennifer Lopez vehicle Enough from a few years back - Obsessed doesn't have a subtle bone in its body, and it telegraphs where it's going at every turn, but darn it if the movie doesn't engage its audience on some level.  I'd call the movie a guilty pleasure, but really, you just feel guilt about having watched it - there's no real pleasure to be had here.

-John