Saturday, May 07, 2005

Kingdom of Heaven (**)

What a disappointment. Ridley Scott directs with his usual flair for creating beautiful imagery and realistic, fully developed worlds, but that's all this movie has going for it. Orlando Bloom plays Balian, one of the most bland, uninteresting heroic leads in any recent epic to date. There is nothing to him. He's noble. He's decent. He'll put you to sleep. The story is a muddled mess. I didn't know much about the Crusades going into the movie, and I think I know even less coming out of it. Characters come and go without giving the viewer any real sense of who they are, what they stand for, and what they want. Is Jeremy Irons good or bad? Who knows? Further, what was Ridley thinking when he signed on to direct this film? Troy, for all its faults, was entertaining at least and featured a great rivalry between Pitt's Achilles and Bana's Hector. Even Alexander, one of the most bloated and problematic films of last year, was better. Kingdom's biggest weakness? It is boring. Beware of the ads promoting this as the next Gladiator. I hear Ridley has a director's cut that's an hour longer. While I'm sure it adds depth to the characters and avoids some of the choppy editing on display here, I can't possibly imagine trying to sit through this thing again.

8 Comments:

At 10:17 AM, Blogger Jeff said...

I decided to knock my star rating from last night's ** to *1/2. Maybe because it was such a waste of talent.

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger karen said...

http://www.doktorfrank.com/archives/003137.html

this is a better review than yours. worth a read. promise.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Jeff said...

Ok Karen, we've all seen the Dr. Frank article now. I think you are more obsessed with Dr. Frank than I am with Mr. Frank Zappa.

For the record, I like John's review better although Dr. Frank's is creative.

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger Jules said...

I like Spinal Tap's review the best: Shit Sandwich.

 
At 9:26 AM, Blogger karen said...

You've never met your idol Jeffy. Mine bought me drinks.

 
At 2:07 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

I actually wouldn't want to meet Zappa. I prefer just to enjoy the music. In fact, at the Project/Object concert, singer Napoleon Murphy Brock came up right next to me at the bar, but I didn't even attempt to start a conversation. Just don't care to.

I have dealt with Zappa's wife, Gail, several times over the internet. She has a copy of my bootleg paper that won the CALI. Sometimes she's nice, but most of the time, she's difficult and smart-alecky (sic?)

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger Jules said...

Jeffy, what is it with you and grammar lately? Exclamation, Smexclamation. But that said, incorrect use of "sic." That is a Latin word meaning "thus" and is used when someone quotes someone else who has poor grammar and the writer does not want the reading public to think that she does not know the correct way to state the damn thing. I think you meant "sp.?"

 
At 8:33 AM, Blogger Jeff said...

Thank you Julie. All this time I thought it meant "Spelling InCorrect." I be smart.

 

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