Hammervision's 10 Best of the Decade: No. 5

MEMENTO (2000)

I was torn with this one. I really wanted to put Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight on this "Best Of" list, and if you told me I'm crazy for not including it, I certainly wouldn't argue. But one thing's for sure - there's no denying the staggering ingenuity of Nolan's debut. Memento started off the decade on exactly the right foot. It is a heady, complicated, and attention-demanding puzzle of a film, with a superb performance from Guy Pearce and a great twist at the end. Memento is the kind of movie that challenges and rewards in equal measure. The structure of the script is nearly flawless, with the main character's short-term memory rendered in bold, vivid detail through plot mechanics and editing techniques. You're never really sure of what's going on until the very end, and even then, you still have to question all that's come before. Memento also proves surprisingly adept as a thriller, always keeping its audience on their toes. Nolan may have perfected the comic book movie with The Dark Knight, but Memento is an infinitely more clever and groundbreaking piece of work.

Here's the running list:

10. Mission: Impossible III

9. The Royal Tenenbaums

8. United 93

7. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

6. There Will Be Blood

5. Memento

4.

3.

2.

1.

Agree? Disagree? Post your thoughts below, and come back soon for No. 4, as the countdown continues.

- John

Ninja Assassin (**1/2)

Ninja Assassin. 99 mins. R. Directed by James McTeigue. Written by Matthew Sand and J. Michael Straczynski. Starring Rain, Naomie Harris, and Stephen Markus.

Look, you already know whether you want to see this movie or not. One has to tip their cap to the brains behind the title for Ninja Assassin. Blunt and unassuming in its simplicity, Ninja Assassin has the potential to be the greatest movie ever made. Or the worst. What a shame then that the movie falls somewhere in between. Produced by the Wachowski Brothers and directed by protege James McTeigue, who previously helmed the much better V for Vendetta, Ninja Assassin plays out over a series of flashbacks. We watch as Raizo (Korean pop star, Rain) undergoes brutal training to become a highly sought-after "ninja assassin." Imagine the training sequence in Batman Begins, and then add a lot more blood (and a lot less quality). When McTeigue isn't focused on the action elements, the movie becomes a giant bore. In fact, apart from the gloriously over-the-top first five minutes, Ninja Assassin is a drag - a repetitive, poorly lit buffet of fake CGI blood and lots of inane dialogue about hearts. There is a certain B-movie charm to some of it, but Ninja Assassin aims to be trash and it achieves exactly that.

- John

Hammervision's 10 Best of the Decade: No. 6

THERE WILL BE BLOOD (2007)

When I first saw There Will Be Blood in the theater, I was impressed but certainly not blown away. But days (and even years) later, the movie has stayed with me and kept me thinking. It truly is a modern American classic. Directed by P.T. Anderson, who made two of the best movies of the '90s (Boogie Nights and Magnolia), There Will Be Blood is his most accomplished and mature film to date, with all of the technical virtuosity that marked his previous films and none of the overt flashiness or gimmicks. Perhaps more importantly, Anderson has written, and given audiences, one of the most interesting, iconic characters in film history, Daniel Plainview, and put that character in the hands of the Oscar-winning Daniel Day-Lewis. DDL just tears into Plainview like a dog chomping down on a fresh steak fallen off the grill. Plainview is front and center for most of the movie, and with good reason. He's fascinating to watch, and DDL infuses the character with an enticing blend of pitch-black humor and ferocious misanthropy. DDL's Oscar and the movie's nomination for Best Picture were richly deserved. It's rare that such an intimate character piece is depicted on screen using such an epic and ornate scale. The cinematography is gorgeous, the music (by Radiohead's Jonny Greenwood) is unique and memorable, and the ending is hilariously abrupt, like something right out of a Kubrick movie. There Will Be Blood also earns bonus points for creating one of the great catchphrases of the decade: "I drink your milkshake!"

Here's the running list:

10. Mission: Impossible III

9. The Royal Tenenbaums

8. United 93

7. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

6. There Will Be Blood

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

We're halfway there! Agree? Disagree? Post your thoughts below, and come back after the holiday for No. 5, as the countdown continues.

- John

Planet 51 (**)

Planet 51. 87 mins. PG. Directed by Jorge Blanco and Javier Abad. Written by Joe Stillman. Starring the voices of Dwayne Johnson, Justin Long, Seann William Scott, Jessica Biel, and Gary Oldman.

Planet 51 is about as bland and harmless an animated movie as you're likely to see this year, but I will say this - it's a great babysitting tool. Augie has been obsessed with the movie poster for months now (note: he also likes to look at Shrek - a clear indicator of some kind of green rubbery character fixation), so I felt it necessary to take him. He watched the entire thing - didn't really grow bored or antsy either. The story is basically just E.T. in reverse. When an astronaut (voiced by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) lands on Planet 51, it's up to a group of "alien" kids to get him back to his spaceship before the military gets hold of him. Keeping with the current tradition of unnecessarily casting famous voices in every role, Planet 51 boasts a pretty impressive voice cast (including Gary Oldman), but the script lacks the humor and grace of the Pixar and Dreamworks CGI animated films, so all that star wattage is for nought. The movie's best gag is an Alien-looking dog who pees acid, but I'm fairly certain most kids in the audience aren't going to get the Alien reference. No matter - if it captures their attention as much as it did Augie's, parents are going to have no problem heading out to Planet 51, no matter how lame it actually is.

- John

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (***)

The Twilight Saga: New Moon. 130 mins. PG-13. Directed by Chris Weitz. Written by Melissa Rosenberg. Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Michael Sheen, and Dakota Fanning.

Face it folks. It's a Twilight world - we're just living in it. At some point during Thursday midnight showing of The Twilight Saga: New Moon, my critical side gave up trying to nitpick all the inadequacies of this movie and just relinquished control to the mob of swooning girls around me, all clearly enraptured by the vampire-girl-werewolf love triangle unfolding on screen. Whether or not New Moon is any good (it's not really) is almost beside the point now. For better or worse, the franchise is a pop culture phenomenon that's not going anywhere anytime soon. And who am I to begrudge all the female fans who are swept up in it? There are worse things out there. Heck, I'd rather watch New Moon than have to suffer through Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen again. Like its predecessor, Twilight, New Moon is a moody teen soap opera with some fantastical elements. In Twilight, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) fell for a vampire who thought he was too dangerous to be with her. In New Moon, it's the same exact story, only this time, it's a werewolf. I haven't read the third book in the series, Eclipse, but if Bella falls for some sort of Swamp Thing in that, I'm done. Robert Pattinson (as vampire Edward Cullen) has a much smaller role this time, and it's actually helped improve his performance. He's a little looser, more confident, and it makes the Edward-Jacob rivalry a tad easier to call. Stewart is perfectly cast as Bella, though her performance tics tend to annoy at times. Catherine Hardwicke, who directed Twilight, did not stick around for this second installment, and has been replaced by Chris Weitz (The Golden Compass). You'll never notice the difference though. And when the end cliffhanger hit, I found myself, despite many issues with New Moon, still wanting to see the next movie. But enough critical analysis already - two questions beg answers: First, Team Edward or Team Jacob? Tough call. If we're basing it on performance alone, it's Team Edward all the way. Otherwise, you gotta go Team Jacob. Cool CGI werewolf beats sparkle vamp every time. Second, is it better than Twilight? Slightly, yes. The special effects are much better, and, importantly, there are no vampires playing baseball in New Moon. One further note: if you're already a Twihard, this review certainly isn't going to change your mind about the movie - go ahead and add a star. If you're not, subtract a star.

- John

'Tis the Season: Hammervision's Fave Holiday Flicks

The holidays are fast approaching, and what better way to get yourself in the festive mood than to break out the Christmas movies. Everybody has their favorites, sure, and it's a little presumptious to pick the best. When it comes to this kind of stuff, to each his/her own, I say. So instead I'll just list my Top 5 Favorite Holiday movies. Some are traditional, some are decidedly less so, but all are worth watching this time of year. Ho Ho Ho, here we go:

5. Die Hard
4. Love Actually
3. The Muppet Christmas Carol
2. A Christmas Story
1. Scrooged

What are yours? What do you think - does Die Hard count as a Christmas movie? For that matter, does Gremlins? And is Elf the only modern classic that deserves consideration? Does anybody out there actually like Fred Claus or Four Christmases?

Oh, and just so we're clear - my pick for absolute worst Christmas movie of all time: Christmas with the Kranks.

- John

Hammervision's 10 Best of the Decade: No. 7

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (2004)

Screenwriters rarely get the credit they deserve. When a movie works, it's usually the directors, the actors, the cinematography, etc. that gets recognized. How refreshing then to see Charlie Kaufman be one of the few screenwriters whose name alone on a project makes it worth seeing. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is his masterpiece, and one that will be awfully hard for him to top. And this from the guy who also wrote Being John Malkovich! Both movies are great, but I think the edge has to go to Eternal Sunshine. The movie is ingenious and inventive, but what makes it Kaufman's best work is its emotionally resonant subject matter. Rarely has a romantic relationship on screen been depicted with such originality and beauty. Kaufman is ably supported in the visual department by story collaborator and director Michel Gondry, who consistently keeps things interesting and playful, and definitely has a lot of fun with the medium - challenging the audience but never losing sight of the emotional through line. And the performances! Kate Winslet is fantastic as always, and so is Jim Carrey. I always forget Carrey is in this movie - he gives such a low-key, nuanced performance, but unlike other comics in serious roles, he's never dull or inexpressive. To filmmakers everywhere, Eternal Sunshine is an inspiration. One should always aspire to think and dream as far outside the box as this movie actually does.

Here's the running list:

10. Mission: Impossible III

9. The Royal Tenenbaums

8. United 93

7. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Agree? Disagree? Post your thoughts below, and come back soon for No. 6.

- John

2012 (**1/2)

2012. 158 mins. PG-13. Directed by Roland Emmerich. Written by Roland Emmerich & Harald Kloser. Starring John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover, and Woody Harrelson.

There are a lot of blurbs you can throw at 2012, Roland Emmerich's latest disaster porn epic. Spectacularly stupid! Impressively incompetent! Friggin' dumb! Way too long! The movie is just one big exclamation point of filmmaking, visually rendered by a team of immensely talented effects artists, and ultimately hampered by Emmerich's hack directing and plodding script. 2012 completes his trilogy of destruction - the other two being Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. It's better than Tomorrow, but lacks the freshness and fun of ID4. John Cusack is a likeable actor in the right role, but he's no Will Smith and he lacks the kind of star wattage needed to carry this big a production on his shoulders. Cusack plays a writer named Jackson Curtis who races to save his ex-wife (Amanda Peet), kids, and her new boyfriend (Tom McCarthy) before a global cataclysm threatens to destroy all of mankind. The action sequences here are on a giant scale and deserve to be seen on the big screen, but they do grow repetitive. See Cusack and family outrun impending doom in a limo! A plane! Another plane! An RV! When the action dials down a notch, Emmerich sticks to the same kitchen sink of characters approach he used in ID4, but to less success. There's a lack of focus to the script, with too much time given to unimportant supporting characters. By the time the movie finally gets to its finale, an ungainly hybrid of Evan Almighty and Poseidon, you're so exhausted by all the death, water, and mayhem that you just want it to be over. But Emmerich doesn't care - he treats 2012 like the Energizer Bunny: it keeps going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going. Well, you get the idea.

- John

Hammervision's 10 Best of the Decade: No. 8

UNITED 93 (2006)

Few movies have rattled me so deeply as United 93. Directed by Paul Greengrass (of The Bourne Supremacy and Ultimatum) with the utmost precision and grace, and an almost alarming sense of urgency and realism, millions avoided the movie in theaters and still have yet to see it. That's a shame because United 93 is a powerful, gut-wrenching movie that honors the passengers on that flight and never once stoops to trivializing the drama or reveling in sentimentality or cliches. In fact, part of the reason the movie works so well is that the set-up is pure Hollywood (terrorists take over a plane and it's up to the passengers to take them down), and as an audience, we're accustomed to seeing that story arc play out in a certain way (usually with Bruce Willis). When United 93 ultimately deviates from that arc, it's devastating. The last twenty minutes of the movie are a visceral tour de force. Seeing it for the first time, I could barely breathe and it felt like my stomach was in my throat. Greengrass puts you on that plane. And that plane is going down. United 93 is brutal yet brilliant and demands to be seen.

Here's the running list:

10. Mission: Impossible III

9. The Royal Tenenbaums

8. United 93

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Agree? Disagree? Post your thoughts below, and come back soon for No. 7.

- John

The Box (***1/2)

The Box. 111 mins. PG-13. Written and Directed by Richard Kelly. Starring Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, and Frank Langella.

There are going to be a ton of people who despise The Box. It tanked its first weekend at the box office, and audiences roundly gave it a grade of "F." I respectfully disagree. I dug The Box. Some movies have a certain vibe to them, and you're either on the same wavelength or you're not. This one worked for me. Going in, I didn't know the movie would be set in 1976. The place is a Virginia suburb, and Cameron Diaz and James Marsden play a happily married couple with one son. When a mysterious man with half a face (the dependably unnerving Frank Langella) drops a box at the couple's doorstep, he presents a morally dubious proposition: push the button on the box and someone somewhere who they don't know will die, and they'll get one million dollars in return. Needless to say, Diaz presses the button and bad things happen. Although The Box is being promoted as a horror movie, it's not. In my mind, the '70s setting is the key to the movie's success. It has the same type of pacing, music, and mood of many paranoid thrillers of that era, and rather than provide thrills or scares, it settles for just being weird and atypical. The Box is an off-kilter combo of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Three Days of the Condor, and any given Twilight Zone episode. Writer-director Richard Kelly achieves what he set out to do - and builds nicely on the promise of Donnie Darko. He's not a one-hit wonder, and The Box should get more respect as time passes. It's not perfect, and I'm not sure I understood everything that happens - perhaps you, fellow readers, can help explain the various twists and turns, but The Box struck me as unique and interesting, with a dark ending that satisfies.

- John

Precious (***)

Precious. 109 mins. R. Directed by Lee Daniels. Written by Geoffrey Fletcher. Starring Mo'nique, Mariah Carey, Paula Patton, Lenny Kravitz, and Gabourey Sidibe.

Precious has made waves at various film festivals all year and received a host of critical kudos. Some of those are well-deserved. The acting in Precious is just phenomenal, and almost every cast member (many of them famous musicians and comedians) should be recognized come Oscar time. The movie, based on the novel Push by Sapphire, is a gritty, realistic look at a physically and emotionally abused teen girl facing illiteracy, pregnancy, AIDS, and perhaps the worst home life of all time. Things start to look up though when she gets into a private school and her professor (Paula Patton) helps her realize her true potential. The girl is played by newcomer Gabourey Sidibe, and she does a bang-up job, nailing every emotional note and never wavering from complete believability. Even better is Mo'Nique as her abusive mom - perhaps the worst mom of all time. Mo'Nique is a force of nature on screen and a surefire Best Supporting Actress nominee. The supporting cast is also great - even Mariah Carey (nearly unrecognizable) delivers a superb performance. Apart from the acting though, Precious is kind of a mixed bag. Yes, director Lee Daniels deserves credit for casting these actors and getting the performances he does out of them, and yes, he does take an unflinching look at Precious' turbulent home life. But Daniels takes just as many missteps - there are a number of jarring fantasy sequences that instantly take you out of the movie's hard-knock spell and render the movie cutesy. I understand that without them, Precious would be a bit too grim, but heck, if you want to see what a real director can do with challenging, uncompromising material, check out Darren Aronofsky's Requiem for a Dream. Some of the editing is a bit sloppy, and the movie teeters too close to going dramatically over-the-top, but the acting always saves the day and makes this one worth seeing.

- John

Hammervision's 10 Best of the Decade: No. 9

THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (2001)

Wes Anderson hit his peak with this follow-up to Rushmore. He's been trying to match its success ever since. Combining pathos with comedy, quirkiness with ultra-stylization, and ably supported by a fine, sharp cast spearheaded by the legendary Gene Hackman, The Royal Tenenbaums is droll comedy as high art. Anderson proves himself a gifted filmmaker, and together with co-writer and co-star Owen Wilson, displays a keen sense for character and dialogue. There are so many funny moments in here, and all are underplayed - subtle to the point where you blink and you'll miss them. The Royal Tenenbaums rewards repeat viewings, and has a surprising amount of heart (the scene where Ben Stiller breaks down and says, "I've had a rough year, Dad" never fails to get me). In the years since it's release, the movie's distinct comedic style has been often imitated but never equaled.

Here's the running list:

10. Mission: Impossible III

9. The Royal Tenenbaums

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Check back soon for more!

- John

Disney's A Christmas Carol (**)

Disney's A Christmas Carol. 96 mins. PG. Written and Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Starring Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Robin Wright, Colin Firth, and Bob Hoskins.

Okay, Mr. Zemeckis - you've had your fun playing in the performance capture sandbox, but it's officially time to stop. I actually liked The Polar Express (especially in IMAX) and thought Beowolf was pretty nifty in parts, but I am not a fan of this latest retelling of Charles Dickens' classic Christmas tale. Jim Carrey does all he can here playing Scrooge and all three ghosts that come to visit him on Christmas Eve, but he's saddled with an emotionally inert movie. A Christmas Carol is one of my absolute favorite stories, and I love almost all of its previous iterations on screen (The Muppet Christmas Carol and Scrooged probably top the list), but this Disney/Zemeckis version is pretty worthless. Oh sure, Zemeckis (in screenwriter mode) stays faithful to the source material and, for the most part, keeps things classy and respectable, but the movie just goes through the motions. Performance capture animation is great for getting shots of things you can't typically get (a sweeping panorama shot of the city at the beginning is a standout), but more than anything, it's just distracting. You pay so much attention to how close the animators get to creating a human look-alike that the story is given short shrift. Here, the big transformative moment in Scrooge is more of a whimper - he changes his life, sure, but there's no joy to anything. The entire movie is calculated and mechanical, connecting the dots where it needs to but, aside from a totally unnecessary action sequence involving the Ghost of Christmas Future at the end, never really coloring too far outside the lines. The only thing that sets this version apart is the performance capture animation and the heightened hook of the ghost story. This is not a movie for little kids - they'll either be too scared or bored, probably both. If it's Christmas cheer you're after - say Bah Humbug to Disney's A Christmas Carol and look elsewhere. As for Zemeckis, give us a real movie next time. Please.

- John

The Men Who Stare at Goats (**)

The Men Who Stare at Goats. 99 mins. R. Directed by Grant Heslov. Written by Peter Straughan. Starring George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Ewan McGregor, and Kevin Spacey.

Despite the promise of a great cast, with Clooney acting goofy and Jeff Bridges returning to his Big Lebowski roots as a trippy colonel, The Men Who Stare at Goats is surprisingly lackluster and only mildly amusing in spots. Based on a true story about military-trained psychic spies, the movie (directed by Clooney's pal, Grant Heslov) follows a Michigan journalist played by Ewan McGregor who meets Lyn Cassady (Clooney) and follows him to a mission in Iraq. The movie cuts back and forth between the backstory of the paranormal military program and Cassady's current operation. There is potential to be had with this story, but it's neither realized in the script nor on the screen. Keeping with tradition, most of the funny bits are already given away in the preview. The cast is game - though I have to ask: is it just me or does Ewan McGregor have the worst American accent in an actor working today? The Men Who Stare At Goats is lightweight and disposable. Perhaps the funniest bit is an unintentional one: the psychic spies call themselves "Jedi Warriors", to which McGregor (Young Obi-Wan himself) replies, "What's a Jedi?" There - I just saved you $10.

- John

Hammervision's 10 Best of the Decade: No. 10

Inspired by the weekly rundown of the Top 10 of the Decade on At the Movies with A.O. Scott and Michael Phillips, I've decided to take up the challenge and post my own list. I will count down my picks for the 10 best movies of the decade: 2000 to 2009. I'll do one/two movies a week in the hopes that by the end of '09, you'll have the full list. So, let's get to it.

Coming in at No. 10:

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III (2006)

Yes. You read that right. M:I3 is about as perfectly pitched a popcorn flick as you're likely to get and, hands down, the best action movie of the decade. Paced within an inch of its life, and smartly directed by J.J. Abrams - M:I3 moves with lightning precision. It's fresh, funny, exciting, and unpretentious, with awesome action set pieces around every corner. Pitting Cruise against Philip Seymour Hoffman was an inspired choice, and the screenwriters' ability to strip down the story to its most basic, and human, essence ("this time, it's personal") is nothing short of miraculous at a time when most other bloated blockbusters are way too convoluted for their own good (Pirates 2 and 3 anyone?). If the movie were called anything other than M:I3 (say, "Rabbit's Foot"), and didn't come out right after Cruise's couch jumping, I think there'd be a whole lot more people in my camp. As it stands, I feel no shame in admitting that M:I3 has (quickly) become my favorite movie of all time.

So there you have it. Here's the running list:

10. Mission: Impossible III

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

- John

Law Abiding Citizen (**1/2)

Law Abiding Citizen. 106 mins. R. Directed by F. Gary Gray. Written by Kurt Wimmer. Starring Jamie Foxx, Gerard Butler, Leslie Bibb, Bruce McGill, and Colm Meaney.

For two-thirds of its running time, Law Abiding Citizen manages to be an entertaining and effective, if grisly, morality tale, with an intriguing premise and strong performances from its two leads. Gerard Butler stars as Clyde Shelton, who, in the opening minutes of the film, watches as his wife and daughter are raped and killed by two burglars. Fast forward ten years later, and he's out for revenge against the two criminals, the prosecutor (played by Jamie Foxx), the judge, the jury, the cops, the lawyers, and, heck, the legal establishment as a whole. Things get a little nutty at times, especially all of Shelton's intricate death traps masterminded while he's in jail. One scene in particular had me laughing for about five minutes, even though it's treated seriously. All I'll say about it is this: cell phone that shoots bullets. Bam. Butler is really good here, but he's playing a character who makes Saw's Jigsaw look like a poor planner. Shelton is like The Joker meets Hannibal Lector meets Samuel L. Jackson in A Time to Kill. When the movie sticks to the mind games between Butler and Foxx, it's solid. But when that last act comes around, and the movie's tricks are revealed, Law Abiding Citizen stops being entertainingly preposterous, and just ends up preposterous. Director F. Gary Gray can't help but lose his footing at this point. It doesn't help that he's stuck with an underground tunnel plot twist that just reeks of lack of inventiveness. As a hokey B-movie, Law Abiding Citizen is decent enough, but as a serious meditation on justice and the legal system, it falls way short of the mark.

- John