Dear John (**)

Dear John. 108 mins. PG-13. Directed by Lasse Hallstrom. Written by Jamie Linden. Starring Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried, Scott Porter, Henry Thomas, and Richard Jenkins.

Dear John,

I guess congratulations are in order. After seven weeks atop the box office charts, you were the movie that finally took down Avatar. Years from now, that will be a fun fact remembered by people like me. Everyone else will have forgotten about you, even those teen girls that propelled you to the top in the first place. Maybe one day they'll throw their considerable box office influence behind a movie that's actually, you know, good. I know that you wanted to be like The Notebook (the one Nicholas Sparks adaptation that worked), but you have failed. Maybe you should have never been adapted in the first place. After all, the whole Nicholas Sparks thing - pre-destined lovers pulled away from each other after a week/summer/weekend of romantic bliss by death/alzheimers/military/spouses - has been exhausted. Even the talented likes of Amanda Seyfried and, god bless him, Richard Jenkins, couldn't save you from mediocrity. Oh John, I wanted you to really go for broke and realize your full weepie romantic potential, but, alas, your story never really took hold. Keeping the two lovers apart for at least half of the movie was not a good idea. Neither was having them read cheesy love letters to each other via voiceover while looking at the moon. Also, I know Channing Tatum is hot right now, but I'm not so sure he can act. I'd rather see him Step Up. Oh well. Maybe I should not have gone to see you in the first place. I'm clearly not your target audience. Then again, even your target audience (non-discerning high school gals spending a night out at the mall) probably won't get too much pleasure out of you. Enjoy your brief moment as the king of the box office. It will be short lived, and you'll be relegated to movie trivia footnote sooner than I can finish this letter.

Sincerely,

Hammervision